Everyone Feels Weird on the Inside: best of 2018 CLR music

So now that my blog is officially open, let me talk about music for a bit.

As a quick refresher: inspired by a pal Blaine from the original MLP community, I make a mix of my favorite songs every year. They become a time capsule for that year and always magically end up with some kind of theme to them that also matches a Big Mood I had for that year. Lots of these songs are about hating yourself, loving yourself, and learning not to care what others think…which sure is evergreen isn’t it?

1. Grace Kelly – MIKA
[why don’t you like me? why don’t you like me without making me try?]

How about an identity ANTHEM to start things off? This one was actually new to me this year. Found it by way of the “Euro bangers” Twitter thread where it asserted “no straight person has ever listened to this”; I embraced it like a lost sibling.

This guy’s voice is fantastic, right? Falsetto plus swagger? I’m a fan. And the triplets in the chorus are perfect for pounding on your steering wheel.

2. Wake Up Get Up Get Out There (opening cinematic) – Lyn
[who am I? am I not unique? / maybe I’m not here at all]

This one’s not on Spotify but you can hear it here:

I played about 125 hours of Persona 5 in 2018. It’s not a perfect game but it sure hit the spot, and the opening cinematic is mandatory viewing whenever I needed to put the disc back in.

8 bit Music Theory did a lovely episode on mode mixture in Persona 5’s soundtrack and yep, that sure is the secret ingredient to why this acid jazz soundtrack makes me feel pumped to go save the world. (There is a longer version of this song out there if this is your jam; I prefer this short & sweet opening cinematic version.)

3. Waving Through a Window – Katy Perry
[step out, step out of the sun if you keep getting burned]

Amie and I took vocal lessons in the spring to wind us up for auditioning for Ragtime. Dear Evan Hansen had been more in her world than mine (they’d done this song in chorus in middle school) so as we bonded over musical theatre songs I got to know this show a bit too. I have a hard rule to not put musical theatre on my annual mixes (they don’t tend to blend well with my normal twee pop), but Katy Perry’s cover is solid and — bonus — pitched up to where Amie and I can sing it a lot more easily.

There’s a “we’re doing this song for TV” version of this song out there that includes the painful awkward dialogue between Evan and Zoe, and…oof, high school. Yeah Evan is 2017’s Holden Caulfield, but the music works hard to make him likable.

4. Danny Don’t You Know – Ninja Sex Party
[you’re just going through an awkward phase from 12 to 29]

Speaking of “oof, high school!”…

The music video for this one is a lot of fun. I don’t often direct people to NSP videos but this time: sure! Finn Wolfhard is in it as little Danny. (He’s getting good at the role of “playing the musician as his younger self in a music video” niche. )

This is the second NSP song about crying I’ve featured on a CLR mix. Thank you Danny for continuing to self-deprecate, but in a way that makes your listeners not ashamed to be criers too.

5. Sit Next to Me – Foster the People
[I’m circling these vultures got me prayin’, man this hunger feeling something rotten]

This already isn’t a strong year for lyrics, but that’s okay.

When I first heard this song I was expressing to Jason how much it reminded me of that “electric feel” song, you know, from the 80s? That song I was thinking of was actually from MGMT and from 2010, so: shows how much I know.

I like how well Foster the People does “groovy songs about messed up people”. Anyway, this song is extremely “driving home from Ragtime rehearsal on very hot nights with the windows open”.

6. Animal Kingdom Chaotic – Jesca Hoop
[Are we all ones and zeros? / I just work, your computer says no]

Reminds me of playing Pokemon Go in the late summer after Ragtime was over, trying to keep my exercise up! I love the almost bird-like melody with the call and response — works really well with the natural theme.

7. the belll – the olllam

I have no idea what’s up with the spelling, but dang the instrumentation in this is beautiful.

8. Lights Down Low – MAX
[cause, baby, we’re just reckless kids / trying to find an island in the flood]

This is some solid pop. I love all the little pieces that makes this whole, from the acoustic guitar to the organ to the gentle whisper at the end.

9. Never Be the Same – Camilla Cabello
[something must’ve gone wrong in my brain / got your chemicals all in my veins / feeling all the highs, feel all the pain ]

The vocals are lovely here in a way that’s hard to describe. It’s something about the crackle in the chorus that makes her sound both strong and vulnerable, and it’s really hot, okay?

(Why isn’t this “Havana”? I don’t know, I didn’t find “Havana” till 2019 and by the time I found it, Pingu had covered it.)

10. Movement – Hozier
[when you move, I’m moved / you are a call to motion / there, all of you a verb in perfect view ]

How is Hozier so good at the level of drama he pumps into a pop song? I just said I don’t put musical theatre on my CLR mixes and he comes in here with this piece that is extremely post-2000 Broadway? (2:20 onward could easily be a song from Hamilton.) Yeah I freaking like it.

11. Bloodless – Andrew Bird
[it’s hard to be an optimist / when you trust least the ones who claim to have the answers / and it’s an uncivil war]

Hey look I actually found an Andrew Bird song within a year of its release. Thank you Spotify!

Andrew Bird’s melodies feel both so spontaneous but inevitable at the same time. The string break at 2:21 is lovely. These sparse mini-bridges are part of his regular composer playbook (see also “Imitosis“, probably my favorite song of his) but for good reason: his style really works.

12. It’s All Part of the Plan – Punch Brothers
[this is all part of the plan / look I’m a god more than a man / now I’m a god I don’t give a damn about my soul]

Thank heavens for Chris Thiele. Bluegrass pop, mandolin shredding, political satire and all in 5/4? Love it. (Sometimes in the car I sing “trump is the worrrrrst” over the chorus.)

13. The Night Josh Tillman Listened to my Song – Samia
[so many hours extracting your prose from this balladry hairball that’s lodged in my throat / if you open your mouth I am gonna explode]

As a person who’s written more than my share of awkward songs for people I’ve liked, this one really appealed to me.

I read the paratext behind this song while prepping this mix and learned what it’s actually riffing on, and that’s fine. It’s not the reason why I selected the song, but again: I have a lot of empathy for writers who realize their crush is embarrassing and make the music anyway.

14. Norman, Oklahoma – I Am Dive
[summer kills my pride / autumn sets the price / winter drowns my hopes / and springtime we are born]

It was the middle of the night and YouTube was playing a mix of ambient electronica (one of my choices for falling back asleep if I wake up with insomnia), and as this song came on I was suddenly awake for the whole thing, watching the hypnotic home video reel that accompanies it, feeling very deeply every chord progress. It was a very surreal, “you were meant to be awake for this” feeling!

…Lucky for me the song holds up when I’m actually awake. I still don’t know how this ended up as “ambient electronica” but I’d like to think I was simply meant to see it.

PS wow: the final quatrain. I lived that year. But this time it’s more gentle acknowledgement rather than anything actively painful, and that absolutely fits with the tone of the rest of the piece. See; I just found Joshua Radin’s “Winter” ten years too early.

15. The Longer I Run – Peter Bradley Adams
[if I wander till I die, may I know who’s hand I’m in / if my home I’ll never find and let me live again ]

Okay you waited long enough for the sad twee boi music so have them all in a row. The highlight here for me is the surprise double time in the chorus. It reminds me of a reverse “Leave” by BNL (especially when you factor in the accordion).

16. Love Like You – Rebecca Sugar, Steven Universe
[if I could begin to do something that does right by you / I would do about anything / I would even learn how to love ]

Here’s the song I learned for my vocal lessons! It’s timely too because of places the plot of SU went in 2018. Rose Quartz is a…complex character, and I like how, knowing what we know now and learning the rest of the words to this song, this breezy outro to the cartoon was revealed to have so much character meaning packed into it. All hidden in plain sight.

Plus it’s pretty. And fun to sing, even though I sometimes doubt that the weird last note is correct until I hear that the piano has successfully followed me into that key…

17. Angela – The Lumineers
[vacancy, hotel room, lost in me, lost in you / Angela, on my knees, I belong, I believe]

We really like The Lumineers’s series of songs about people. Amie’s fond of “Cleopatra” and I prefer this one, but they’re both scratching the same itch.

Also because I was talking about mode mixture earlier, this song drops that second chord to a minor like Ben Folds’s “Landed” does, and it gives both songs a happy but kind of wistful feel.

18. The River (acoustic) – KT Tunstall
[running through the middle of / a life that’s full of real love / and everything is mine]

I’ve missed KT Tunstall and the light way her voice floats around a ballad. I sing this a LOT in the car.

19. I’m With You – Vance Joy
[I was just coasting till we met / you remind me just how good it can get]

Vance Joy is so very good at crafting songs. His melodies are so singable and feel so natural, like you must have known them the rest of your life but only forgot about them for awhile.

20. Legend (from Deltarune) – Tudd/Game Chops

Deltarune isn’t done yet but I’ll happily take any story and music from that universe. This electric-acoustic remix of the Legend theme is like classic Undertale meets Tennant-era Doctor Who, and wow I love it.

21. Voidfish (Plural) – Rachel Rose Mitchell
[See, there’s magic in a bard’s song. They call it inspiration, and it tells the listener what they need to hear, right when they need to hear it . And right now, you hear it too…]

Near the end of 2018, I inhaled the entire first campaign of The Adventure Zone. WOW. This wild and gorgeous remix of a supporting character leitmotif is brought in for the second-to-last episode. If you don’t care about spoilers, here is an animatic of the scene that made me cry my face off. I hope you like it too.

I also started maining as a bard this year, so of course that scene was gonna set me off. (And YES: these people giving me deep feelings are the same guys who do goofy dick jokes on Monster Factory. Almost like humans contain multitudes, huh?)

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