I let Amie make a Tumblr account. (In 2018. This is a recycled post.) Though, as somebody who has worked in social media, you better believe we had a serious talk first. You can’t prevent the next generation from making the same mistakes you did (and in many ways they’re way better at navigating this digital landscape than we’ve been!) but some pitfalls are the same now as they ever were. This is what we talked about…
1. Make sure you’re connecting with the people who are important to you, both the ones in-person and online. If you’re not getting to everybody, you’re doing too much social media and you need to trim your follow lists. High numbers don’t matter if you’re not able to get any quality time with people. (Example: I keep Facebook active because I must, for boring technical reasons. But reading it makes me feel terrible unless I just filter it to close family members and good friends. I also have a Twitter reading mode that’s just friends I know well, for when news cycles are awful and I need to get personal connection without being overwhelmed.) Your eyes can only read so much in a day, you can only type so much in return, and your time is valuable.
2. Some people out there are very skilled at sliding into your online life and manipulating you. You’ll make some good friends and I don’t want to scare you but you need to know: something feels wrong about the connection someone’s trying to make with you, if it’s always okay to say no. In fact, please do that. Once, because of low self-esteem, I didn’t say no to a creepy person until I found out he was also being creepy at a mutual friend. I should have cut out that creeper right at the beginning! What I’m saying is: don’t put up with creepy. Creepy doesn’t get better, and you deserve better.
3. Make sure the news story is true before you repeat it. Especially during breaking events, exciting and upsetting updates can be wrong. (We talked about this with my experience on 9-11, when I was working at a school in the city of Chicago that was in Midway Airport’s flight path. Someone had heard someone say there was a missing plane in the Midwest and everyone was terrified. But it wasn’t true.) It’s okay to turn off the news for a bit, do something else for awhile, and get the whole story later.
Related: if there’s a crowd of people storming up a call-out, be wary. It can be an incredible high to ride along with something like this, but in many cases people prioritize that high of moral superiority rather than actually making change for the better. Too often the target isn’t actually someone with power, but just another human who (might have) made a mistake. Be wary any time people try and convince you anyone is less than human.
4. Be authentic, but you don’t owe the internet every piece of your story and your self. Having an online profile – for everyone! – means presenting a curated, edited version of yourself. Don’t be afraid to be real, but always remember that what you put online can be permanent. When I’m really hurting, I have to force myself to stop and think: Would I feel better instead if I called somebody and went out for coffee and vented? Would I get the same satisfaction of getting this out of my system if I wrote this on paper instead? These can be way healthier alternatives to posting something online and then waiting for the trickle of interactions you’re hoping to have. And you don’t want to carve words in stone over feelings that will pass.
5. If you’re tagging in somebody’s username, think about the notification the site will make for them. Perhaps tagging that actor would make your post look more complete, but if you’re an actor would you want to read “I can’t believe how bad @thisactor is in this movie” when you look at your notifications? Even for folks who aren’t celebrities: is tagging them in a group going to remind them of bad times or get the attention of people who have hurt them in the past? Are you going to tag in somebody who doesn’t want to be a part of the conversation or receive notifications about this? Finally, if you’re replying to Alice’s tweet about Bob but she didn’t tag him in? She probably had reasons. Don’t tag him in for her.
6. When you’re picking new artists to follow, give priority to any folks who are systematically disadvantaged in a way that you’re not. Understanding intersectionality is crucial to understanding how oppression affects everyone differently, and since your school is a little lacking in diversity you should absolutely curate a diverse reading list. Follow people of color (especially Black women), people who are disabled, neurodivergent people, people who are broke, religious minorities, members of LGBTQIA+ who might feel unwelcome in queer spaces. (You know the letters some say don’t belong there.) Listen when they speak about their lives, and believe their experiences. Don’t make demands of their time, speak for them, talk over them, or expect to be mutuals, because that’s all super rude. Just witness, learn, and signal-boost their work when you can. (And focus on their work if you ever do initiate conversation. You can imagine it’s frustrating as hell to just want to be out there creating, but everybody just wants to focus instead on the things that make you different.)
7. Place kindness into the world. If you like someone’s art, tell them. Tell a friend. Lift each other up.
And be kind to your own work as well. You’re not trash and neither is your art. I know that’s a meme but it’s not true, and reading that over and over absolutely has a psychological effect. Just…be kind. The world needs that more than anything right now.
(originally posted semi-privately on Dreamwidth in 2018.)